Puttering away on my fantasy story prequel (I feel like it is a prequel story, but I am writing it first to help solidify the world/cultures in my mind). I've solidified two goals. The first is the "write every day" goal that is ongoing; 300 words a day for a month. If I "beat" that word count (9K words in 30 days for the math-phobic), then the next month is 400 words a day. It's actually proving difficult to beat. 300 words is nothing, once I start going; but I find that instead of doing 300 words a day, every day, I am doing 1000 words every 3 or 4 days, and so my word counts keep "failing". But I am trying to instill a habit, so it's going to be a long slog.
The second goal is to try and finish the Fantasy Story 00 (my code name until I think of an actual title) by the end of the year. I have a word-count tracking app (of course I do) and I've set it to 70K in 233 days (70,000 divided by 300 words a day) just to have a framework to work by, but since goal #1 is about increasing my daily output to something more like 1-2K a day, I think the end of the year is reachable.
I talk a lot about my goals on this blog, and that is mostly just to reinforce them within myself. I could announce them on Facebook or something but I find that a) intimidating, and b) I doubt most of my FB friends would care much past the initial post. I have told E, and M, since I talk to them the most, and Kenso-chan, since she's my writing/editing partner. That should be enough, but it really isn't. Sometimes I like to go over my goals again, and since I don't want to be boring and the cats are terrible at listening, I tell the blog. (A lack of followers in this case is a boon--now I am definitely sure I am not boring anyone.)
But all is not goals and word-counts. A couple of weeks ago I had a good Plot Talk with Kenso regarding an army structure for the culture that I was developing. I wanted something complicated enough to sound real without being based on any existing command system; and it needed to sound like something that an isolationist society heavily invested in guilds would come up with when they had no standing army for generations, and suddenly enemies were at the gates. The PT was quite fun, and got very silly towards the end, as they usually do, but the best bit was a revelation that had nothing to do with the original topic.
So within the guild system would be children of guild masters who may or may not have the aptitude for the particular skills within the guild; at the same time, they have the ear of the masters. They would get stuck very quickly in the hierarchy; not talented enough to produce results but still be able to leverage their connections. (Inept managers, in other words.) Now let's say they were all carted off to a make-shift army to be a layer of officers. Some of them might discover that while they are mediocre carpenters or masons or whatever, they are talented soldiers and COs. (This led to the line "It's like the manager from Dilbert found out that he was actually Commander Riker", which had us in tears.) Once we stopped wheezing from laughing, it occurred to me--what happens when all those would-be soldiers go home? Would Commander Riker be content as a desk jockey within a brick-making company?
I don't know if I will ever use this piece of cultural puzzle, but it is a fantastic little thought-experiment to keep in mind while the rest of the world takes shape; and the best part was that the inspiration it generated helped fuel a writing binge.
Monday, July 21, 2014
Friday, June 13, 2014
Blocklor
"The only monster here is the gambling monster that has enslaved your mother! I call him Gamblor!"
--Homer Simpson
Sometimes, the hardest part about writing is writer's block, that fear of a blank page.
But sometimes, when I'm overflowing with words and ideas, what stymies me is not the blank page, or the deadline (self-imposed) or anything external; it's me. It's my Inner Critic.
I've got one non-fiction project, and now three novels, all of which I am excited about writing at any given time, each according to my mood, and all four have been stopped dead in their tracks by that voice inside.
No one wants to read this.
You're stupid for typing that.
You're a terrible writer and you will never get anywhere.
You are not good enough to get published, so why bother?
People have different inner critics, for different reasons. Mine is definitely loudest when it comes to outward approval: getting published, people enjoying my work, etc. And yet, at a conscious level I know that people enjoy my work. I've had many people, friends and strangers, tell me so, over the years. My work is worth reading. So why am I so hard on myself? That's a long, long story, for another blog (or a group therapy session). But today, I've had Enough.
I've been having a lot of Japan feels, related to my travels back in December 2013 (can you feel homesick for a place you've only visited? I feel homesick for Kyoto. I want to live there. I am actively pursuing that down different avenues. In the meantime, sometimes just thinking about it makes me sad and longing). And I want to work on my travelogue, which I sort of think as a non-fiction novel, because I don't know what else to call a long, rambling story about my travels and gentle daily adventures. But my Inner Critic is getting in the way, hardcore, and I need to work on that.
It's distressing. I want to work on my writing, but it's facing an invisible bully each time I sit down and eventually fear stops me from sitting down at all. Today I finally looked up ways to work on that in myself, because the Of Course many many other people have the same problem and many of them wrote about it on the internet before I did.
Many were about coming up with reasons to counter the Inner Critic. One actually suggested naming it, as a way to separate yourself, distance yourself a bit. It's easier to counter someone with a name than just that tiny voice in the back of your mind, I suppose? They named theirs "Mavis" but I have decided to go with Blocklor, which is the name that Grace and used to give to the monster god of writing blocks, inspired by the above Simpson's quote. Because, really, how seriously can you take something named Blocklor?
I'm also coming up with responses to the most frequently whispered criticisms, so that I have responses next time Blocklor sneaks up on me. I might print them out, but for the moment they are on my phone, on the task manager for my travelogue. Because I do want to work on it, and finish it, and if I have to give an element of my personality a silly nickname to do it (out loud!) then I will do it.
--Homer Simpson
Sometimes, the hardest part about writing is writer's block, that fear of a blank page.
But sometimes, when I'm overflowing with words and ideas, what stymies me is not the blank page, or the deadline (self-imposed) or anything external; it's me. It's my Inner Critic.
I've got one non-fiction project, and now three novels, all of which I am excited about writing at any given time, each according to my mood, and all four have been stopped dead in their tracks by that voice inside.
No one wants to read this.
You're stupid for typing that.
You're a terrible writer and you will never get anywhere.
You are not good enough to get published, so why bother?
People have different inner critics, for different reasons. Mine is definitely loudest when it comes to outward approval: getting published, people enjoying my work, etc. And yet, at a conscious level I know that people enjoy my work. I've had many people, friends and strangers, tell me so, over the years. My work is worth reading. So why am I so hard on myself? That's a long, long story, for another blog (or a group therapy session). But today, I've had Enough.
I've been having a lot of Japan feels, related to my travels back in December 2013 (can you feel homesick for a place you've only visited? I feel homesick for Kyoto. I want to live there. I am actively pursuing that down different avenues. In the meantime, sometimes just thinking about it makes me sad and longing). And I want to work on my travelogue, which I sort of think as a non-fiction novel, because I don't know what else to call a long, rambling story about my travels and gentle daily adventures. But my Inner Critic is getting in the way, hardcore, and I need to work on that.
It's distressing. I want to work on my writing, but it's facing an invisible bully each time I sit down and eventually fear stops me from sitting down at all. Today I finally looked up ways to work on that in myself, because the Of Course many many other people have the same problem and many of them wrote about it on the internet before I did.
Many were about coming up with reasons to counter the Inner Critic. One actually suggested naming it, as a way to separate yourself, distance yourself a bit. It's easier to counter someone with a name than just that tiny voice in the back of your mind, I suppose? They named theirs "Mavis" but I have decided to go with Blocklor, which is the name that Grace and used to give to the monster god of writing blocks, inspired by the above Simpson's quote. Because, really, how seriously can you take something named Blocklor?
I'm also coming up with responses to the most frequently whispered criticisms, so that I have responses next time Blocklor sneaks up on me. I might print them out, but for the moment they are on my phone, on the task manager for my travelogue. Because I do want to work on it, and finish it, and if I have to give an element of my personality a silly nickname to do it (out loud!) then I will do it.
Tuesday, May 27, 2014
Back to normal?
Still fighting my throat bug--now confirmed as viral laryngitis by a doctor's visit--but getting back to my regular routine and energy levels. E's costume got made, he had a great time at Anime North, and I finally got my portfolio redesign done!
I'm actually following the lead of two very different jobs. One I found out about last week: a part-time (3 days a week) office manager role in the Beaches. The other I was told about yesterday: through a recruiter, a full-time senior designer-slash-art-director out in North York. Both would have commutes of about an hour and change. Both are permanent.
On the surface it seems like an easy pick; but for years now I have been struggling to get out of design, and ramming myself into the wall of Relevant Experience. I haven't done office or retail since I was in school, and employers know that, and discount my career experience. This job is different; I come recommended through a family friend. So my resume counts less, meaning I have an actual shot at it. It's only max 25 hours a week, but it would give me the time I want to devote to my fascinators and my writing, while liveable money came in.
The second job would advance my career significantly, and be much, much more money. It's a tempting carrot, especially as I get older and worry about RRSP savings and such. Not to mention saving to move to Japan.
But...
I suppose I shall just have to try my best at both, and see which bites. Perhaps only one will; or neither, in which case, this sort of agonizing is for nothing. Except blog posts.
Day 5 of Happiness: Looking forward to my daily walk! I haven't been going while I was sick. The weather is much cooler today! Not to mention, I'm pretty proud of my new shiny portfolio.
I'm actually following the lead of two very different jobs. One I found out about last week: a part-time (3 days a week) office manager role in the Beaches. The other I was told about yesterday: through a recruiter, a full-time senior designer-slash-art-director out in North York. Both would have commutes of about an hour and change. Both are permanent.
On the surface it seems like an easy pick; but for years now I have been struggling to get out of design, and ramming myself into the wall of Relevant Experience. I haven't done office or retail since I was in school, and employers know that, and discount my career experience. This job is different; I come recommended through a family friend. So my resume counts less, meaning I have an actual shot at it. It's only max 25 hours a week, but it would give me the time I want to devote to my fascinators and my writing, while liveable money came in.
The second job would advance my career significantly, and be much, much more money. It's a tempting carrot, especially as I get older and worry about RRSP savings and such. Not to mention saving to move to Japan.
But...
I suppose I shall just have to try my best at both, and see which bites. Perhaps only one will; or neither, in which case, this sort of agonizing is for nothing. Except blog posts.
Day 5 of Happiness: Looking forward to my daily walk! I haven't been going while I was sick. The weather is much cooler today! Not to mention, I'm pretty proud of my new shiny portfolio.
Friday, May 23, 2014
sick Friday
Well, I did hit a bit of a snag, and the daily posts dropped off for a bit but I've been sick and nowhere near the computer. Sadly this means no writing got done, nor any progress on my business plan for the Emporium. What little energy I've had this week has gone towards E's costume for Anime North this weekend.
I've forgotten how much I enjoy sewing--I haven't sewn anything since I made my waxed canvas purse for my Japan trip. While I was working on E's dress and apron (he's going as a female character from an RPG called 'The Witches House') I started thinking about other projects I'd like to do, start, plan... and I knew it would just get away from me.
One thing that I struggle with is too many hobbies. (I shouldn't really say struggle, since, after all, I enjoy it.) Normally I just cycle through them, knitting for a few months, then switching to sewing when I get bored, then maybe trying something new like needlefelting or beadwork or wire jewelry... Because I don't stick to any one craft for long enough, I don't tend to 'level up' in them. Needlefelting I was doing for a good year, and constantly pushing myself to learn new techniques, but I really feel like I've plateaued. And of course my beloved fascinators... which brings me around to the point of all this: I want to focus on something, I mean really focus. Ideally it would be only one thing but that's impossible to do cold turkey, so I've picked two: fascinators and writing (well three; my job search counts too, I suppose).
When I have a burst of energy/inspiration, it usually just gets used up almost immediately on whatever's new and shiny and sitting in front of me. But I'm going to try and channel it into either fascinators (creating or business) and writing (business plan or creative). I don't know how successful I'll be but I want to give it my best.
Day 4 (technically I skipped a few days because I was sick but I shall just count days as posts--a good goal for any blog is 100 posts, I think): There is no feeling of joy like the one I shall have when I finally pick up my cheque today--the last of the money that was owed for work done in February.
I've forgotten how much I enjoy sewing--I haven't sewn anything since I made my waxed canvas purse for my Japan trip. While I was working on E's dress and apron (he's going as a female character from an RPG called 'The Witches House') I started thinking about other projects I'd like to do, start, plan... and I knew it would just get away from me.
One thing that I struggle with is too many hobbies. (I shouldn't really say struggle, since, after all, I enjoy it.) Normally I just cycle through them, knitting for a few months, then switching to sewing when I get bored, then maybe trying something new like needlefelting or beadwork or wire jewelry... Because I don't stick to any one craft for long enough, I don't tend to 'level up' in them. Needlefelting I was doing for a good year, and constantly pushing myself to learn new techniques, but I really feel like I've plateaued. And of course my beloved fascinators... which brings me around to the point of all this: I want to focus on something, I mean really focus. Ideally it would be only one thing but that's impossible to do cold turkey, so I've picked two: fascinators and writing (well three; my job search counts too, I suppose).
When I have a burst of energy/inspiration, it usually just gets used up almost immediately on whatever's new and shiny and sitting in front of me. But I'm going to try and channel it into either fascinators (creating or business) and writing (business plan or creative). I don't know how successful I'll be but I want to give it my best.
Day 4 (technically I skipped a few days because I was sick but I shall just count days as posts--a good goal for any blog is 100 posts, I think): There is no feeling of joy like the one I shall have when I finally pick up my cheque today--the last of the money that was owed for work done in February.
Sunday, May 18, 2014
Quiet Sunday
So the fourth post in is the one where I had to sit myself down and make myself do the post... that doesn't seem very encouraging. To be fair I've been under the weather today (shark week) so I haven't been checking my email either. But I'm here now and I did the post!
No writing today. Hopefully tomorrow; we're having friends over because of the long weekend here in Ontario. Happy Victoria Day!
Happy Day Three: even though I was already feeling crummy this morning, I went out to our favourite neighbourhood greasy spoon for a cheap-and-delicious breakfast with E, which is always the best way to start a Sunday.
No writing today. Hopefully tomorrow; we're having friends over because of the long weekend here in Ontario. Happy Victoria Day!
Happy Day Three: even though I was already feeling crummy this morning, I went out to our favourite neighbourhood greasy spoon for a cheap-and-delicious breakfast with E, which is always the best way to start a Sunday.
Saturday, May 17, 2014
First toddling step
Today I am trying to change my morning routine. Instead of my coffee in front of Facebook, or Gmail, I'm going to open up Blogger, or (Q10, my story writer of choice), and sit and write before I really do anything else.
Today being Saturday, E. and I have plans together: visiting his brother's family in Pickering. I'm not not looking forward to it but it's the lead-up to Shark Week and I'm feeling anti-social. The point I was going to make is that there is a far amount of stuff I need to do this morning, and all I really want to do is watch something mindless for half an hour while I drink my coffee and eat my breakfast, but instead, I am at the keyboard.
Maybe today won't meet my preliminary goal of 300 words. But it's the first step in establishing a habit (I hope).
Why 300 words? Well, as I pointed out yesterday, most successful authors have a daily goal. Every time I've set a daily goal it's been at NaNo levels or similiar, and that's just clearly not working. Even 1,000 words is not a lot, when I'm in the swing of things. But I tried Camp NaNo last month at 1,000 and it was a dismal failure. It got intimidating. Not on that first day, but the first couple of days I missed it wracked up swiftly and even swifter were the excuses not to tackle it. But 300 words? That's nothing. I've even set up a little app that tracks NaNo-style progress, and I set it at 9000 words for 30 days. I have no project in mind--I actually have a couple on the go--but it'll help the habit form. Next month, maybe I'll go up to 500 words, if I feel I can do it.
Not that blog posts are going to increase in size--I decided to count one reasonably-sized post as a "unit", regardless of what my daily total should be, since the blogging is less about word counts and more about willpower. Today I did one writing unit. I doubt I'll get any fiction done because of the visiting today, but I can take pride in this first step.
Happy Day Two: This is a bit harder to do in the morning, before anything has happened, and I don't know if it defeats the purpose to describe something from yesterday. So right this moment I'm feeling proud of my self for writing this post, and also very happy about my impending cup of coffee and little yogurt, because they've been sitting in front of me this whole time while I wrote, and if I wasn't going to enjoy them before, I am now.
Today being Saturday, E. and I have plans together: visiting his brother's family in Pickering. I'm not not looking forward to it but it's the lead-up to Shark Week and I'm feeling anti-social. The point I was going to make is that there is a far amount of stuff I need to do this morning, and all I really want to do is watch something mindless for half an hour while I drink my coffee and eat my breakfast, but instead, I am at the keyboard.
Maybe today won't meet my preliminary goal of 300 words. But it's the first step in establishing a habit (I hope).
Why 300 words? Well, as I pointed out yesterday, most successful authors have a daily goal. Every time I've set a daily goal it's been at NaNo levels or similiar, and that's just clearly not working. Even 1,000 words is not a lot, when I'm in the swing of things. But I tried Camp NaNo last month at 1,000 and it was a dismal failure. It got intimidating. Not on that first day, but the first couple of days I missed it wracked up swiftly and even swifter were the excuses not to tackle it. But 300 words? That's nothing. I've even set up a little app that tracks NaNo-style progress, and I set it at 9000 words for 30 days. I have no project in mind--I actually have a couple on the go--but it'll help the habit form. Next month, maybe I'll go up to 500 words, if I feel I can do it.
Not that blog posts are going to increase in size--I decided to count one reasonably-sized post as a "unit", regardless of what my daily total should be, since the blogging is less about word counts and more about willpower. Today I did one writing unit. I doubt I'll get any fiction done because of the visiting today, but I can take pride in this first step.
Happy Day Two: This is a bit harder to do in the morning, before anything has happened, and I don't know if it defeats the purpose to describe something from yesterday. So right this moment I'm feeling proud of my self for writing this post, and also very happy about my impending cup of coffee and little yogurt, because they've been sitting in front of me this whole time while I wrote, and if I wasn't going to enjoy them before, I am now.
Friday, May 16, 2014
#100 -- 99 to go
I've wanted to do the #100happydays challenge for a little while now, but I don't think it's something for FB--most of my friends would no doubt vomit copiously upon seeing Day 35: Brunch With E., since we're entirely too gross already. So I'm going to use the blog for it, and just append a little happiness at the bottom of each post. (Starting today.)
But really what I want to use the blog for is to write about writing.
One, I want to get in the habit of writing every day, even if it's "just" blogging. It's like exercise, saying it's "just" walking. Get up off the couch, dammit!
Two, I want to write about my experiences trying to start my own business, and maybe writing a blog every day will help me to remember to update my business's Tumblr or Pintrest until those, too, become habit. Nevermind just writing the business plan!
Robert J. Sawyer, who is a highly successful writer even if I personally don't like his novels, had an article about editing here that had a tangent at the end about wordcount goals. (John Scalzi also has an excellent article on the subject.) That's something I really aspire to. I've done NaNo a couple of times, I can do 2K under pressure, but I'd like to get into a daily habit, that's not about a deadlline. Even if a blog post is a warm-up, it's still better than nothing.
Happy Day One: today I am not very happy at all, I'm stressed out from job hunting and portfolio building, but I know that this evening E'll come home and we'll have a warm dinner and watch some tv, and really, that's all I want from life right now. I may not be happy right this moment but I know I will be soon and for that I feel very grateful and lucky.
But really what I want to use the blog for is to write about writing.
One, I want to get in the habit of writing every day, even if it's "just" blogging. It's like exercise, saying it's "just" walking. Get up off the couch, dammit!
Two, I want to write about my experiences trying to start my own business, and maybe writing a blog every day will help me to remember to update my business's Tumblr or Pintrest until those, too, become habit. Nevermind just writing the business plan!
Robert J. Sawyer, who is a highly successful writer even if I personally don't like his novels, had an article about editing here that had a tangent at the end about wordcount goals. (John Scalzi also has an excellent article on the subject.) That's something I really aspire to. I've done NaNo a couple of times, I can do 2K under pressure, but I'd like to get into a daily habit, that's not about a deadlline. Even if a blog post is a warm-up, it's still better than nothing.
Happy Day One: today I am not very happy at all, I'm stressed out from job hunting and portfolio building, but I know that this evening E'll come home and we'll have a warm dinner and watch some tv, and really, that's all I want from life right now. I may not be happy right this moment but I know I will be soon and for that I feel very grateful and lucky.
Thursday, May 15, 2014
starting fresh
I'm not entirely sure why I'm drawn back to writing a blog. I started *insert subplot here* back in 2004, as a way to keep in touch with a variety of people, since FB hadn't been invented yet. It was a way to write down what was happening in my life so that I could concentrate on personal emails. Since I believed that it was my own private corner on the internet, I wrote about things that were intimate and personal, and never expected it to grow beyond that. It lasted until 2010; by then it had morphed into a blog about my journey as a writer. But after I finished NaNoWriMo 2010, I fell into a fairly deep depression that lasted off and on for two years. My writing progress was derailed, and increasingly I didn't care to share details with my life with the internet.
I've now come to a point where I'd love to share details with the internet, but not necessarily my friends on Facebook. Image crafting, and all that--plus an ingrained need to write long-form, and FB no longer is a platform for diarists. My life is more than 140 characters, and anyway, there is something much more freeing about writing for strangers than for friends.
So I'm rebooting *insert subplot here*, and seeing if blogging is the way forward for me. がんばります！
I've now come to a point where I'd love to share details with the internet, but not necessarily my friends on Facebook. Image crafting, and all that--plus an ingrained need to write long-form, and FB no longer is a platform for diarists. My life is more than 140 characters, and anyway, there is something much more freeing about writing for strangers than for friends.
So I'm rebooting *insert subplot here*, and seeing if blogging is the way forward for me. がんばります！
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